“How to Overcome Social Shyness & Discomfort”
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Shyness has many definitions, among which are bashful, wary, easily frightened, and timid.
There are many degrees of shyness, and some people are only shy in special situations or circumstances.
One of the most common places where people feel shy or timid is in a social setting.
Thefollowing are some ways people having this problem can turn things aroundand even get over their shyness.
It takes practice and determination, butfor most people who conquer social shyness, it is well worth the effort.
1. If going into a new situation, rehearse what you will say to the newperson or group of people. This will help you be more relaxed when theevent comes.
2. Monitor your "self talk" which is negative. Saying to yourself "Thiswill be scary, " "I will be nervous as always," etc. will do nothing but*reinforce* that in your mind. Control your self-talk and replace thenegative statements or thoughts with "positives." Your mind can beprogrammed to act as your best ally or as your worst enemy. You are incontrol of your thoughts. Practice positive thinking and it will make aworld of difference.
3. Learn to expect some rejections with people and not take thempersonally. People can "reject" you for many reasons that have absolutelynothing to do with you! It is not pleasant to be rejected socially. If itbothers you, allow yourself to feel upset for a short time and then "letit go." Many others will accept you.
4. If you are trying to start a conversation, ask questïons which are abit personal and cannot just be answered in one or two words. Other peoplelove to talk about themselves and their projects.
5. Use good body language when talking or listening. This includes goodeye contact. You can always look at other parts of the person's facebesides their eyes. They can't tell the difference usually if you shiftyour gaze a bit. Smile and use other kinds of facial expressions to showyour interest. Remember of course not to convey more interest in theperson than you want. Eye contact can mean casual interest, intensefriendly or business interest, or mild to intense romantic interest. Keepthat in mind!
6. Listen to the other person, then repeat (often called "reflecting")back to them the feelings you heard. Don't be a "parrot" and spit thewords back verbatim. Add your own feelings about what was said, notnecessarily your own opinions or ideas.
7. Practice your social skills in small steps. Set a goal to do a fewthings that are new or difficult for you, in a day or a week. Accept thefact that at first you will feel some nervousness. This is natural. Tellyourself it is nothing that will harm you and that what you are doing willbecome easier and easier each time. If you feel you are taking too large astep, back off a little and go more slowly. If you are consistent and addto your goals and successes weekly, you will reach your goals and find a
"new you" when it comes to social skills.
About the Author: Dennis R. Tesdell is a personal development and self-care coach with over20 years of experience working with personal growth and self-developmentissues.
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