Get the Self Help Confidence Benefits of Being Assertive

Are we assertive or aggressive? People at times tend to confuse one with the other, since both have the same objective - stand up to your rights and make known your needs. However, there’s a thin line of difference between the two.

Assertiveness is achieving your objective without antagonizing the other people. Assertive people will try to express themselves in ways that show respect for the others. They go out of their way to resolve the issue with a win-win compromise.

Aggressive people, on the other hand, will be brusque and harsh in their dealings. They will not care about the feelings and sentiments of others. They will use all means to get what they want, regardless of any resulting negative effects it may have on people. They are insensitive to the feelings of others and will create conflicts, if necessary.

When you are personally involved in an encounter, it is hard to differentiate between being assertive and aggressive. The better approach may be to take a step back, try to stay calm and review the incident objectively.

Try to avoid altercations. A cool head and calm disposition may produce more satisfactory results than battling it out. There are a lot of benefits that can be gleaned from being assertive.

There is less stress and tension among the concerned parties. They are able to communicate sensibly and work out equitable resolutions to the problems. In the course of discussing the issues and alternate solutions, they may be able to help others get their needs met too. They see clearly the salient points of each person. Respect for each person’s opinion is demonstrated and accepted by everyone.

There is a great deal of harmonious relationships interacting between everyone and everyone tries their best to work out a win-win solution. Your body functions are not stressed nor overworked. Normally, when cooler heads prevail, they are able to resolve things faster and with fairness to everyone. The time is spent more productively and people can get to their other work duties with more expediency.

Heated arguments can increase your blood pressure significantly and cause sudden heart attacks or strokes. An outburst could result in insulting and abusive remarks which you might regret having said later on. If there is no solution in sight, people may result to physical violence and cause harm to one another.

You should try to talk to the other person in a calm resolute manner. Don’t try to impose yourself on the person. Back away if the person starts getting agitated and wait a few minutes for everything to settle down. Show your concert for the moment and display a sympathetic disposition. Take control of the situation in an authoritative and firm manner but don’t boss your way around.

You gain self-confidence and self-esteem. People respect you for the way you handle things. There is a lot more plus factors in being assertive rather than aggressive. Keep calm under pressure. Demonstrate a cool disposition and loosen up. People will notice your stance and may imitate your behavior unconsciously. Having everyone in a relaxed atmosphere is a good start to begin realizing those benefits.

Practice Assertiveness for Confidence Self Help

Being assertive is an acceptable norm in society. It is tantamount to standing up for one’s right and expressing one’s needs courteously and with respect to yourself and to others. People assert themselves in various ways throughout the day.

It may be as mundane as asserting one’s place in line or as emphatic as establishing one’s convictions in the face of danger. Whatever the case, people need to make known that they have certain rights which must be honored by others. You do not need to use tactics which are demeaning, derogatory or abusive. Here are a few ways to assert yourself and yet maintain a respectful stance.

Choose the right time and place. If you need some important work done, take the time to call or see the person and mention to them the criticality of completing the work on schedule. Choose a place where there are no sudden interruptions. If you talk on the phone, make sure that the person is listening attentively to you and not doing other things concurrently.

Be calm, direct and firm in your talk. If the tone is clear and direct to the point, the person will honor your request, regardless of whether they like your request. Saying “I” rather than “we” brings home the point that you want it done. There is no need to shout or act brash.

Be specific and revalidate your request. When you need something done, state the date, time and location that you want your request done. For example, say “I want the report finished and on my desk by 9:00 am Tuesday morning”. Inquire if there is anything that needs clarification and ask the person to reiterate your request.

People sometimes wait until the last minute before submitting the completed work. If you had mentioned Tuesday with no specific time, the person might submit the completed work to you at the end of the day. This may be considered acceptable since it is within your request for submission by Tuesday.

Use body language to accentuate your needs. Look directly at the person and be sure the person is also attentively watching you. Try to secure eye contact. Asking them to repeat your request is one way of making sure that they understood clearly what you want done.

Stand up for your rights. It may be a minor infringement but it may lead to bigger issues if you don’t stand up at the start. Don’t allow people to take advantage of you.

People might misinterpret your kindheartedness and gentle disposition as a weakness and treat you unjustly. Insist on fair treatment and be open with your honest opinions. Have the people understand you have rights too that should be respected.

Be friendly and courteous with everyone. Being brusque and rude will not help establish your assertiveness. Don’t get personal. You are not out to win a personality contest. It is hard to be liked by everyone every time. There will be conflicts at times but take it in stride and be objective in your dealings. In the long run, people will respect you for that.


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